Our church is doing a series titled "30 Days to Live" as a way to encourage us to live our days as though they are our last because there is no promise of tomorrow. As I listened to Roger last Sunday, I thought a lot about the people in my life that I have had to let go of and felt satisfied that I had the chance to discuss faith and my love for them before they passed away. I also thought about people that I would like to send a card or make a phone call to just to let them know that I love them and ask them about their faith. I thought of my grandma and how I love that I have a relationship with her where I call her (sort of) regularly and we chat about church, the kids and her Norwegian group. I thought about my Uncle Jerry who I have been meaning to get a card to as his physical health seemed to fluctuate in recent months. I also thought about my desires in life how I would feel about them if I was only given 30 days to live.
This morning as Kyle preached about seeking the eternal, I was inwardly
focused on a desire of mine and was in the process of allowing God to take the desire away if it is not part His eternal plan for me. I remained inwardly
focused on the way home because I was irritated with Mike about some events that happened as we were trying to get ready for church. The voice mail message from my father broke my selfish focus in a flash. I could tell by the tone of his voice that something was wrong and I had a pretty good idea of what.
I returned his phone call and he explained that my Uncle Jerry died this morning. My first reaction was "it's too soon." I hadn't gotten that card out to him yet. My second reaction was "I'm so sorry," for his wife's pain, my father's pain, and my family's pain. Finally, "what can I do?" But all I can think of through out today is what I wish I had already done. I wish I had written that card months ago. A simple card to let him know that I am thinking of him, praying for him and love him. I understand that my grief is fresh and this is what people do, however I'm so conflicted. Was God nudging me last Sunday? Has God been nudging me for a long time and I have been putting him off? Below is what I would have written in a card to my Uncle if he were still here and given the promise of tomorrow:
Dear Uncle Jerry,
I just wanted to take today to thank you for all the ways you have blessed me. I remember one time when I was little I made you a special Christmas present that said "World's Funniest Uncle." I want you to know that you are so much more. You are someone who I am thrilled my children have gotten to know as a optimistic and generous. You took your second chance at life to encourage others who have shared your pain and comforted loved ones of those who lost the same battle you have fought. I admire your strength, values, and genuine character. I also admire the way your poured your talent of teaching into young lives at the community college.
My all time favorite memory of you was a Christmas Day from years ago. As we were taking up a collection to give to charity, you spoke with passion about your struggle with
PPH and the Doctor that was making strides in medicine to help save lives. I clearly remember your words, "there are two things that give life; God and man." I would argue that God is the giver and
sustainer of life (through using people) and I voted with you on that offering because I believed that your passion was genuine and so was the doctor who helped you through all your struggles with
PPH. Today I want you to know that God is the Giver of Life and through Jesus you can gain life eternal. I pray that where you seek God you will find Him. I know He loves you so much and is using you whether you know it or not as he was using you on that Christmas Day. Please know that our children have been richly blessed through knowing you and I pray for peace in your heart.
Love, Carrie
I truly regret choosing to do anything else than write this card. If there is someone you know that would be blessed by a few words from you, please take the time to do it now. There is no guarantee of tomorrow.